Disappointment....

Everyone faces disappointment in life. Some disappointments are small. Like the one Dalton and Lyric woke up to this morning when there wasn't enought snow to build a snowman. I must admit that I was just as disappointed. I love snow! I miss living in NY and having at least 2 large snow storms a winter.

Other disappointments are larger and affect our lives in a bigger way. Lately I have had some major disappointments in my life.

Dalton and Lyric will be leaving in nine short weeks. Even though I've known it was coming,
reality hit me full force while they were gone for Spring Break. I can't explain the disappointment I feel with life in general regarding this situation. I love them so much! I remember the day I picked Dalton and Lyric up from the DHS worker. They were so little. Lyric was just 17 months old and Dalton was a curious 3 year old excited to get to stay at auntie's house. I remember the first time Lyric called me "mom". I remember standing outside of Dalton's door at night while he cried for his mom. I remember the first week of dropping Dalton off at day care and how he was not the only one crying. I remember standing in the mirror with Lyric and her turning around and saying, "Mommy you are so pretty, just like me!" I remember the trip to Disneyland, trips to the zoo, and movie nights at home. I remember when I brought Samara home from the hospital and how I held Lyric and cried because it felt like she had grown up all of a sudden. I remember thinking that they would be here until they were grown. But that is not to be, and I am left disappointed with life, with the court system, and with my own sister. The only question that keeps running through my mind is "How can you love and raise 2 children for over 3 years and then just let them go...?"

I dealt with another big disappointment just yesterday. After not having an episode for almost 3 months, Samara had one. It was bad. I had taken her to the dr. to check her iron, it was much better. On the way home we stopped by Walmart to pick up some groceries. While in the store I noticed she was sitting funny. I kept saying to her, "Samara why are you sitting like that?" While in the check out line the lady behind us said, "Your baby looks really tired." About that time her head kicked to the side and her eyes rolled back. She started screaming and I picked her up. I was trying to comfort her and finish checking out when she started vomiting everywhere. It was a mess. It didn't help that I was trying to carry her, push the buggy to the car, and the wind was blowing a hundred miles an hour , Oh and did I mention that it was raining! Samara's episode lasted 7 hours. The only medicine that they give her makes her sleep And she does sleep as long as I hold her and she is not vomiting. I am thankful that it has been so long since she had an episode but I am disappointed because I was really hoping she wouldn't have anymore. I feel completely helpless when she goes through these and although dr's are aware of these problems, they do not know exactly what causes them other than severe acid reflux and they do not have many medications to treat it. Their advice...she will eventually grow out of it. I pray that this happens fast.

I know this is not the most upbeat blog, it is just what is really on my heart. I'm not depressed or in a bad mood. I am thankful for the many blessing God has given me. I would not have traded the past years with Dalton and Lyric for anything. Not even to erase the immense pain I am going through now. And even though it seems like Samara has had her share of problems during her short life, she is nothing short of a miracle. So as we all do throughout life, I am learning how to deal with dissappointment. There is a saying, not sure who said it, but it goes something like this, "It's not what happens to us in life that makes us who we are, it's how we handle the things that happen to us." So I'm trying my best to handle these disappointments the way God wants me to. I'm enjoying these last few weeks with Dalton and Lyric to the fullest. I know deep down that it is God who will protect Dalton, Lyric, and Samara during the trials of life. And for the days when I can't seem to keep it together, thank you Dustin, Mom, and Winnie for helping me get through anyway.

Spring Break Week!

Where do I begin?! So much has happened over the past week and I was planning on blogging sooner but you know how that goes.

Samara spent her Spring Break week days with daddy! They had a great time bonding and daddy has some great diaper stories to share! Monday evening we went over to some friends and had dinner. Yum! It was delicious! Samara enjoyed herself even though she does not like their dog, Molly. Molly is a weenie dog and wouldn't hurt a sole but Samara is not so sure! Tuesday after work we went to the mall and then over to Dustin's cousin and wife's house, Tanner and Amanda. Once again we ate some delicious food. We were feeling pretty spoiled at this point, 2 nights in a row without cooking! Samara had a great time playing with Ava. It was fun to see them in the floor playing together.

Unfortunately Samara got an ear infection during the week. At first we thought she was just teething but realized that it was more that that. So we took a trip to the dr. and got antibiotics after a couple of days with medicine, Samara was feeling back to her normal self! We spent these evenings doing some Spring cleaning and just plain relaxing at home.

Friday night we went bowling with our Community Group at Redpin down in Bricktown. It was lots of fun! Samara even went and she did not know what to think about everyone making so much noise. Saturday morning Samara went with Mamaw and Peepaw for her first overnight visit! Mommy took it a lot harder than she did. In fact Mamaw said Samara slept all night without any problems. So Saturday we had no kids and we took full advantage. I scrapbooked all day with a friend and Dustin played golf with a group of men from our church. After we finished we had dinner at Chili's. It was a great day! We got up early Sunday morning and drove to Elk City to pick up Dalton and Lyric. Have I mentioned I missed them so much. Then we went to church with Mamaw and Peepaw and picked up Samara. I missed her too! We spent the day in Elk City visiting family and returned home that evening. It felt so good to be home with all of the kids again. I was ready to get back to our normal routine. Breaks are good but I am always glad to get back to "normalcy". Here are a few pics I took of Samara during Spring Break.

8 Months and Growing

Samara turned 8 months old this week. She had a check up and was 17 lbs and 27 1/4 inches long. She is growing like a weed, she won't slow down! Where does the time go?

Samara had a blood test and she was anemic so she is taking an iron supplement. She also has a tear duct that is clogged in one of her eyes. The dr. said it is time to have an eye specialist look at it and determine if it needs surgery so we will be seeing that dr. in April. I am praying that it clears before then. Only 1 shot this time, thankfully. I hate watching her get shots.

It seems like it was only yesterday and she was a tiny baby. Now she is rolling, rolling, rolling everywhere. She is trying to crawl but hasn't quite figured it out yet. Her attempts usually result in a face plant into the carpet.

Daddy is on Spring Break this next week so Samara will get to spend the week with him while mommy works! This should be an interesting week. I remember the first time I

left Lyric with Dustin when she was a baby. Great things happen when mommy is gone!

Dalton and Lyric are spending the week at their moms. This is a trial run of whats to come. It will be the longest that they have ever been away. The house already seems so quiet. Samara misses them too. She keeps looking around like "where are they?" I guess I will use this time to catch up on some rest and spend some quality time with my hubby! Have a great weekend!

Spring is in the Air!

I've really enjoyed the great weather we have had the past couple of days. It has been so much fun getting outside with the kids. Samara is getting to see and experience all kinds of new things, like swinging!

I love this picture of her fingers holding on tight!

The kids played outside all weekend while we cleaned out the garage and worked in the flower beds. Saturday morning we went to the auto show and had a great time looking at cars!

After the auto show, we took the kids to the local feed store and let the kids see the baby ducks, turkeys, and chicks! Lyric loved it. She is such an animal lover. Dalton was not all that excited about it and Samara didn't know what to make out of the little creatures.

Daddy got to enjoy the warm weather with some time on his motorcycle. Here is a picture of mommy and Samara on daddy's bike!

Mamaw and Peepaw came over Saturday afternoon and spent the night and went with us to church on Sunday. It was a great weekend and we are looking forward to more warm weather!