Bittersweet Holiday

Today we put up our Christmas Tree. It was a lot of fun. Dalton and Lyric are really able to enjoy it now. Usually I am busting at the seams with excitement at this time of year but this Holiday season is bittersweet for me.

It is sweet because Christmas is my most favorite Holiday. I love everything about it. Christ's birth, family, food, decorations, gifts, music, and I could go on and on. I love Christmas. It is also sweet because Dalton and Lyric are old enough to really enjoy it and they still believe in Santa Claus although I'm sure Dalton will figure it out real soon. The looks on their faces is priceless when they see all the decorations and gifts. It is also Samara's first Christmas and I look forward to all the Christmas' that she will get to enjoy.

But this Holiday is also bitter for me. It signals an end to my 6 months of maternity leave. I will be returning to work in January and will be leaving Samara in someone else's care during the day. I feel very blessed that I have been able to take the time I took off and I also feel very blessed that I have a wonderful Christian friend that will be caring for Samara but a part of me cringes every time I think about all the moments I will be missing while I am away at work. The other reason that this Holiday seems bitter is because I realize it may be our last with Dalton and Lyric. They will be spending the first week of Christmas break with us but will be spending the 2nd week with their mom as part of their reunification. I am very happy for them and my sister but my heart breaks thinking of our quiet house when they are gone and even though I know next year is a long ways away I also know that if things go as planned they will be living with their mom by next Christmas. As the kids pulled out their ornaments that they have from each year they already bring back so many wonderful memories from the past three years that we have shared.

I have heard the saying before that being a parent is all about learning to let go. I'm already learning that and I don't necessarily like it. As usual I'm learning to let go and lean on God. So even though I am feeling kind of sad at the moment I know that I will thoroughly enjoy this season and cherish every moment because He is at the heart of it all and He will never let me go.